Ray's Realizations
Mindclearing Meanderings Of A Renegade Raconteur
Ridiculously random run on sentences and thinkful thoughts of a truly random thinker. I think.
For anyone that has ever done any writing whatsoever, from something as simple as a weekly grocery list up to a 60,000 word Novel, I seriously doubt there is one person that can truthfully say that their mind has not wandered somewhere along in the process.
It seems to be a natural thing. Call it writer's block, temporary amnesia, a Senior moment, whatever you like. At the end of the day it's simply another form of brain fade. Another example of the mind heading in one direction, doing everything possible to stay on course and try as you might, not 30 seconds later, you're on another train of thought.
And for some of us, that can best be described as the Crazy Train. Yes, I admit it. When, not if, but when my mind wanders it has a tendency to head off in directions unknown. In search of destinations as yet undiscovered. And the more often I realized I was doing this, rather than continue to reprimand myself and then not two minutes later go right back to doing the very same thing, I decided instead to run with it.
Yes, rather than battle the relentless writer's block, I decided it best to continue writing, even if I was switching tracks mid trip. And as these "off path" excursions have increased over time, so has the opportunity to make a place for them on my blog.
Will everyone relate to everything being said? Beyond a doubt that would be a resounding No! Heck, it would be amazing if most people understood what they were reading. Or attempting to read. Let alone related to it.
But at the same time I'm extremely confident that there will be more than a few "Wow, I've totally been there before." or "Sheesh, same thing happened to me. I can definitely relate." thoughts along the way.
So feel free to dive right in. There's bound to be something in the mix that you can not only relate to but just might make you feel a bit more assured that you're not alone in this world nor in your thoughts. Enjoy.
Realization
Hmmm... let's see what good ol' Webster's has to say about this.
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re·al·i·za·tion
/ˌrē(ə)ləˈzāSH(ə)n/
noun
noun: realization; noun: realisation
1. an act of becoming fully aware of something as a fact.
"there was a growing realization of the need to create common economic structures
2. the fulfillment or achievement of something desired or anticipated.
"he did not live to see the realization of his dream"
Okay, so basically what this is referring to is an opening of the mind per se to new thoughts. To a new way of thinking. New ways to process these newly introduced thoughts as well as the processes that led to these thoughts and this new way of thinking. That's what I think anyway. Let me know what you think.
Let's ramble on, shall we...
While I'd like to have a meeting of the minds, I get the impression that one would be required to possess a functioning mind in order to attend this so called "meeting", and therefore perhaps it's best if we reschedule for a later date.
When? To be honest I'm unable to commit at this point in time as I really have no way of predicting how long it could take to get my mind operating correctly. I will say that I've got a few years invested into this already and all signs are pointing to a breakthrough, just not quite sure as to when that might be.
Let me have my people get in touch with your people, once I figure out who the heck my people even are and we'll go from there. Sound like a plan?
I guess I should have known but had I known, I wouldn't have needed to guess because after all, I already would have known but then again, I despise "know it all" type people so therefore, even though I should have known, perhaps it's better that I didn't know because I never want to come across as a know it all, even if I do happen to know it all, I still don't want anyone to know that I know it all but for the most part I'll bet that those that know me already know that I know it all and therefore I have no need to tell them I know it all, yet again that I already knew something because they already know that with my being a know it all, chances are very good that I already know it. All of it. Damn, I hate know-it -all's.
Ordinarily the ordinary is just plain ordinary and not always in an unordinary kind of way, unless of course it's extraordinary in which case it's above and beyond ordinary, which ordinarily wouldn't be all that unordinary but in certain circumstances, the unordinarily unordinary is anything but ordinary and in being as such, it quickly moves beyond ordinary into the realm of extraordinary which is ordinarily ordinary but having been multiplied by an extraordinary factor, it immediately takes on an unordinarily extraordinary stature, thus becoming even more extraordinary than would have ordinarily even been imagined, furthering the realm of ordinarity above and beyond the boundaries of being basically ordinary, which ordinarily would be a sight to behold in and of itself but by pushing the limits of the extraordinary even further, the mere ordinary has somehow been reduced to, well, to ordinary, ordinarily speaking.
I take it you've decided to leave it or should I leave it as if you've already made the decision to take it and simply as of now have yet to take it because if you do choose to leave it and have not made plans to take it some time in the future, perhaps I would be better served to take it that you have not made the decision to take it and instead have chosen to leave it or would you suggest it merely appears that you have decided to leave it rather than to take it simply for the fact that you have yet to take it and that's why it comes across as you leaving it, when in fact you have every intention of taking it but in all this confusion, you have been forced to leave things as they are and have yet to take it but will at some point in the future take it rather than leave it. Either way, take it or leave it, I'll leave that entirely up to you.
Sometimes you have to know when to say when, when enough is enough, when it's time to throw in the towel and then other times, just when you think it's time to say when, when everything is going downhill, when all hope seems lost, when you've simply had enough, that's when the unexpected is most likely to happen and that's when everything can change, when in a split second your frown can be turned upside down, when a simple phone call or an email can alter your path making you oh so grateful that just when you thought it was time to say when, when you'd thought you'd finally had enough, when all your hope was lost, when it was time to hang it up, that's when you realize that indeed, it wasn't time to say when after all.
I feel as if you already know how I feel about this subject matter so for me to tell you how I feel somehow feels redundant and yet, to not let you know how I feel also seems to leave an "opening" in the possibilities of how I might or might not feel and not wanting to leave any doubt as to how I feel and even worse, at the risk of feeling as if I'm merely letting you know how I feel to prove that I still feel the very same way I felt previously and that my feelings about how I feel have not changed, I feel it is in my best interest to let you know how I feel, which of course you already know and I hope this doesn't lead you to feel as if I'm just telling you how I feel to make you feel good as I feel that would be unfair of you to feel that way because as you can tell, there are plenty of other people that feel the same way I feel so I hope you don't feel as if I've gone overboard with my comment about how I feel but I couldn't take the risk of you not knowing how I feel, even though I feel you might feel like I'm a bit over the top but I can't help how you feel, I only know how I feel and I just wanted you to know how I felt, just in case you'd forgotten how I feel.
Dammit, fooled again! Yesterday I thought for sure, without a doubt that the next day was going to be tomorrow and yet, here I am, living in the midst of the day after yesterday and sure enough, it's actually today and NOT tomorrow as I was initially led to believe it would be and so I'm left with the burning question, the question I've asked myself on so many occasions, does tomorrow actually exist or is it all just a piece of the man made, commercialized, hypefest put out by all the corporate crooks in an effort to get us to believe that there truly is a tomorrow and that all of our dreams will come true "tomorrow", if we just continue to buy in to whatever it is they're selling us on, which if all goes well, should arrive by Fed Ex tomorrow. Or maybe the day after tomorrow, depending on whether or not there's a Holiday in between today and tomorrow.
Heresay, theresay, everywhere a theysayin'. Seems like everywhere you go, someone has something to say... about something that they have something to say something about, regardless of whether or not that something is worth sayin', at least to anyone that isn't already sayin' it anyway and you have to wonder if the naysayers are merely sayin' these things that are purely hearsay just to hear themselves say stuff or if these naysayers say these sayings in an effort to get more wesayers off of the naysayer train and on board the Hearsay Express with the rest of the hearsayers because after all, hearsay on its own is basically just naysay unless one can gather up many hesayers, shesayers and theysayers with which to form a large enough group to turn the naysayers into wesayers, thereby causing the theysayers to take notice of all that's being said and to gradually reach the conclusion that you're not merely a bunch of naysayers after all, but instead a well meaning congregation of theysayers, spreading worthwhile hearsay far and wide. Just sayin'....
Well, if I don't do it, who will and if I do do it, who won't and so if nobody else will do it then that means that it's entirely up to me and only me to do it because obviously it needs doing, otherwise how would I know it still needs to be done and since it's yet to be done, that means it's up to me to do it because if I continue to wait for it to be done, knowing fully well that if I don't do it, no one else will, that pretty much guarantees that it's never gonna get done unless I do it and therefore, if I ever want to see it done, I'm simply gonna have to jump in and get it done, not because I need nor want to take credit for doing it but merely because it needs to be done and as I mentioned earlier, if I don't do it, who will so at this point, consider it done. Well, as soon as I can get to it anyway. It's on my list of things to get done.
Normally I wouldn't hesitate to speculate on what makes life so fine but at this point in time, with everything seemingly coming together without reason nor rhyme, for me to even begin to speculate at this time, knowing all too well that the reasons for having such a fine time in mind would most likely only be mine and mine alone, not knowing if others are seeing the signs as well as having such a fine time in their own mind, so rather than point out all the signs at this time, without reason nor rhyme, maybe I should keep my mouth shut for once, relying on my spine and instead allow my smile to shine, that way in between the signs of the fine as well as the sublime, rather than continue to grind I'll find just the right time to allow everything to shine in it's own time, in everyone's mind, causing everybody to get in line and feelin' fine, agreeing with me that I was right on time.
Need I say more? Because you know I will. Even if I don't need to and especially if I don't have anything even the slightest bit meaningful to say, my inability to shut up for even two flippin' minutes will insure that I continue to say more than I need to, more than I should, to the point of saying entirely too much.
So you tell me, the ball is in your court, shut up and forever hold my peace or continue to ramble on until my mouth gets so dry that I'm unable to say another word and I begin to choke on my tongue as if I've been walking across the Sahara for two weeks without water. Hey, that reminds me, did I ever tell you about the time...
Trust me, when someone starts off a sentence with "Trust me", there's a pretty good chance that you might need to think twice about trusting them and what they are about to say because believe me, their need to reinforce their desire to be trusted in what they say may well be a red flag of sorts, meaning that others have had doubts as to whether or not to trust them in the past and trust me, they were probably right in doing so.
Hence their need to stress the fact that they should be trusted without question and believe me, it's highly likely that they were proven to be anything but trustworthy. So if anyone ever starts off a statement with "Trust me...", proceed with caution because believe me, you might not like what you find. Except for me of course, because trust me, I can and very well should be trusted beyond belief and if I start off a sentence with "Trust me...", you know I believe it's in your own best interest to do so.
It's exactly like that, only it's totally different, so if you're in search of something very similar to it then your journey has basically just begun because although the two are nearly identical in every way, to say they are in any way the same couldn't be any further from the truth. You're welcome.
They often say that... they often say... oh hell, I pretty much have no idea what "they" even said. I gotta be honest here, I wasn't really paying any attention to what they were saying because up to this point, they've always been wrong. So why the hell would I want to listen to them in the first place. Whoever "they" are anyway. Nope, not me. I pretty much blaze my own trail, march to the beat of my own drum as it were.
There's so much I'd like to say, want to say, need to say, have to say but let me just say that it's taking everything I have inside to resist saying what I really want to say, and so having said that and with that having been said, let's just say that by not saying everything that I'm dying to say, that right there should say a whole lot about knowing when I should just come right out and say something and when I'm better off not sayin' anything and by not saying anything, I'm in essence saying even more than I would've said had I said everything I wanted to say when I wanted to say it. Wuddaya say to that? I'd say that's the sign of a true winner, if I do say so myself!
Well, here I sit, on tomorrow's eve, currently living yesterday's tomorrow, pondering all of the things I chose the previous yesterday to put off until tomorrow, which in essence is today, the day after yesterday, wondering if there's any way I could postpone things for yet another day, another tomorrow, until the day after today which would basically make that two days after yesterday which seems like quite a long ways away but in fact it's only tomorrow which is merely another day away so if you discount yesterday and start from today, tomorrow isn't all that far away so what harm could there be in waiting another day because after all, it's only another day's delay and at the end of the day I can still get it done tomorrow which is what I planned on doing yesterday so basically I'm still right on schedule, at least for today anyway.
When someone says good as opposed to well, half of me wants to correct them and the other half wants to leave well enough alone, accepting that good is good enough and just as good as well and it's all well and good and yet there's that nagging side of me that says while good is good, it's simply not good enough and well, while well is more appropriate than good in some cases, that's not always the case and in other cases, good is just as good as well and it's in that knowing full well when good is good enough and knowing good and well when it's all well and good to leave well enough alone, that allows you to know full well when it's all good in the 'hood.
As we know all too well, stuff is stuff and things are things and while things can be stuff and stuff can be things, more often than not things are things and stuff, being stuff, is usually just stuff and now that's not to say that stuff holds a lesser place on our list of "must have's" or that things are guaranteed to intrinsically hold a higher value than your everyday run of the mill stuff but when you begin to compare the differences between stuff and things, the one thing that stands out the most is that some peoples stuff is more than just things and vice versa, some peoples things are more than just stuff but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter what things you consider stuff and what stuff you decide are things because they pretty much all end up in the same pile anyway.
My only qualification is that I'm completely unqualified, so if you're searching for someone that isn't overly qualified, I just might be your guy because as I mentioned earlier, without going in to each and every one of my qualifications, just suffice it to say that I'm competently unqualified without being neither over nor under unqualified, which in and of itself is pretty much an overqualification.
I'm tellin' ya, if there was more to it I'd tell ya. Well, at least I'd tell ya that I'd tell ya that there was more to it and since I didn't tell ya that there was more to it than what I already told ya there was to it, that means that there must not be any more to it than what I told ya there was to it because as I already told ya, I'd tell ya if there was more to it than what I was tellin' ya there was to it and since I didn't tell ya there was more to it than what I already told ya there was to it, then it should be quite obvious at this point that there simply isn't any more to it than what I already told ya there was to it. Sheesh, how many times do I have to tell ya!!!!!!
Break-ups are brutal. If you only knew how difficult this is for me, my saying goodbye. Yes, we've had our ups 'n downs throughout the past few years and no doubt, even when things got a bit wobbly, I could always depend on you to stick by my sides, through thick and thicker. To always cushion my fall and since I'm a "side sleeper", you always brought a welcoming softness to my not so soft mattress.
I admit, at first I thought this "thing" we had would be more of a "drive-thru, dollar menu, two for Tuesday" kinda thing. Yet, slowly but surely, you really began to grow on me. And grow some more. You had a special way of getting under my skin. Literally. Off the scale to say the least.
And while this final send-off has been weighing on me for quite some time, and yes, I realize it is the Holiday season, but I truly feel that if I don't do this now, after all the work I've put in to break the "pattern" over the past two years, I'm afraid this will continue to linger on into 2022 and beyond. And with what I already have on my plate, that's simply unacceptable. So it is with a heavy heart (yet after two years nowhere near as heavy of hipbones), "Love Handles", I must say goodbye to both of you, once and for all. Forever.
I know it's the right thing to do, for both of us. We both need to start seeing other people. It's not me, it's you. I mean me. Oh hell, who am I kiddin', it's totally you!
It's not really like that. Well, not completely anyway. Okay, it's sorta like that but not really like that. Yeah, it's pretty close to that but when you think about it, it's not really like that. Damn, when you really give it some thought, it's kinda like that but at the same time, it's not like that at all. Sheesh, the more I look in to it, it's totally like that. Just like I thought.
I often find myself wondering if there's even a sliver of truth to the statement that a splinter hurts more than a sliver when I know all too well how much a sliver can hurt but just when I think I've made up my mind, I get a splinter that hurts like hell and then at that point, all bets are off as my mind instantly becomes consumed, not only by the pain of the splinter but by the insane ingeniousness~ness required to get that damn splinter out from wherever it might be because until I remove the splinter, there's not a sliver of a chance that I'll even begin to get close to being able to relax. Anybody got any sharp silver tweezers I can borrow?
As usual but not always as that would be highly unusual. Well, for the most part quite often but rarely all that often, yet sometimes more often than not. Frequently, yet at the same time, extremely infrequently while quite possibly more common than one would commonly imagine. That's not to say never but never is still within the referenced time frame. Therefore, to put an expected time and date on it would be highly suspect at best. All I can say for certain is that everything remains to be seen.
I hope I'm not backwards in my thinking but when you think about it, on one hand "backwards" spelled backwards isn't backwards and yet, at the same time, backwards spelled backwards is indeed backwards because it is in fact backwards spelled backwards, therefore backwards spelled backwards, while not being a proper palindrome in the sense that it's not pronounced the same way, both forwards as well as backwards, could very well still be considered to be the same word, both forwards and backwards, because as I mentioned previously, backwards is still backwards no matter how you spell it.
I'm not naming names but if I were to name names, then you can rest assured that I wouldn't hesitate to name the actual name of the person whose name I was naming because at that point, the last thing I would want is for someone with a different name to think I was referring to them by name when my intent was to name the correct name of the person I was naming and not to name the unnamed person that wasn't intended to be named while I was naming names but somehow in the midst of naming names, their name came up and since their name was fairly similar but the spelling of their name proved beyond a doubt that their name was in fact not the name I was naming but still being familiar with the spelling of their name as well as the person whose name I was naming, mistakes have been known to have been made while naming names. Not by me of course because as I originally stated, I'm not here to name names.
That awkward moment when you're reading this post, hoping to find an awkward moment, hopefully an awkward moment that you can relate to so you don't feel all alone in Awkwardville but so far there isn't one, yet you continue reading this post and you're finally beginning to realize that it says nothing important whatsoever, especially as it pertains to an awkward feeling and even though you just wasted a few seconds of your life getting to this point, you're still reading this in hopes of finding at least one small nugget of awkwardness that you can somehow relate to, regardless of how awkward it may or may not make you feel, and you don't even know why you feel the need to feel awkward. Now THAT'S awkward.
I think that if the thoughts that I think I'm thinking turned out to be mere thoughts of what other people thought I was thinking as opposed to me thinking my own thoughts then I think I would have to rethink not only all of my thoughts, both past as well as present but all of my future thinking as well because I would hate to think that the thinking that I thought was me thinking my own thoughts was in fact merely previous thinking once thought of by someone else while they were immersed in their own thinking and that somehow I had stolen their thoughts and proceeded to claim their thoughts as a creation of my own thinking and I think in doing so I would be doing someone a great disservice by failing to give credit where credit is due and despite what anyone else thinks, I think that that is not only completely unfair to the aforementioned thinker but could very well be devastating to the original thinker of these thoughts and although beyond a shadow of a doubt undoubtedly unintentionally, I would have to think I thoughtlessly thought they were indeed were my own thoughts and therefore I think I owe them an apology. I think.
For those of you that don't understand it may be difficult to understand but rather than make an attempt at getting you to understand something I know you'll never understand, how 'bout I save us both the time as well as the headache hoping that you'll understand and just come to the quick realization that you'll just never understand? I hope you all understand and can understand that I'm doing this in the best interest of everyone's understanding.
I had a crazy dream last night. I dreamed I was having a dream about dreaming of having a dream which caused me to wonder if the dream itself was a dream or the part where I was dreaming that I was having a dream was the actual dream and not the dream that I was dreaming about having that I thought was reality but in essence was actually a dream but at the time I thought it was a dream of a dream I was dreaming and not a real life dream that you would normally have when you're dreaming the actual dream. All I know for sure is that when I woke up, thankfully I had Ben & Jerry to bring me back to reality.
Just when you begin to think that it's entirely quite possible for something to not be possible, basically impossible, you soon thereafter witness someone achieve what was previously deemed to be perceived as impossible, thereby removing the perceived impossibility of this so called impossible achievement, thus moving it in to the realm of the entirely possible and as you begin to shake your head from side to side in pure wonderment, having witnessed the impossible morph in to the realm of the possible, you can't help but wonder how in the hell was something so impossible made possible, let alone with such seemingly seamless ease.
I'm cereal... ooops, I mean serial... dammit, I mean serious. Sheesh. I wonder who's idee'r ...ooops, I mean idea it was to start saying idee'r as opposed to idea because to me, merely saying idee'r removes approximately 40 points if not more from a persons IQ the minute they say "Hey, I'm fixin' to have an idee'r" instead of "Hey, I'm fixin' to have an idea" but I guess that's better then ......dammit, better THAN not having any idee'r at all.
Dang, sometimes I even amaze myself, which in and of itself is pretty damn amazing considering I already know myself and how many times my self has amazed myself, which in and of itself is pretty damn amazing since I already know myself and I know just how capable I am of amazing my self with pure amazingness because I know just how amazing I am so when I pull off something even more amazing than my usual amazingness, amazing enough to even amaze me, leaving me in a state of utter amazement, then there's not much else I can say about just how amazing it was other than to say I'm sitting here in stunned amazement, utterly amazed at the amazingness of it all.
Had I known better, I certainly wouldn't have asked but had I known better, I wouldn't have had the need to ask as I would have already known better than to ask something I already knew better than to ask so once again, had I only known now what I knew back then, knowing better than I know now about what I knew back then, I would have known not to ask in the first place because I wouldn't have had the need to know something I already knew, especially since I was on a need to know basis and apparently, I didn't need to know.
I know that when I asked you if you already knew, you said no, that you didn't know but to be honest I knew that you already knew and I only asked you if you knew so that I would know if you would say no and deny that you knew when I asked if you knew or if perhaps knowing fully well that you knew I knew that you would know that responding with a no wouldn't alleviate the fact that I already knew you knew. Ya know?
I'm not afraid to shout it out to the world because I know in my heart it was real. It wasn't just a crush, a fling, a late night hook up. Oh no, what we had was real. Nothing cheesy and I never would have tossed you aside if I didn't believe in my heart it was for our mutual benefit. The bond you and I shared ran much deeper than that. And I know that because all these years later I still feel the same way about you.
All I have to do is close my eyes and I can still smell your wonderous aroma. Whether on my shirt, my sofa, my sheets, your essence is always around me, even after all this time. That proves that you truly made an indelible impression on me, rocked me to my very soul.
It wasn't just a "looks" thing. Oh no, this attraction was much more than skin deep. Sure, I found your saucy sexiness extremely attractive. I'll never deny that. I'm certain that goes without saying. But who could blame me. At the end of the day I'm only human, as well as a guy and with "toppings" like yours, you made it impossible for me to resist you. You always delivered, as promised.
And yet, using all the strength within me, resist you I must. I'm certain you know that saying goodbye to you was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do in my life. And I'd be foolish to say that I don't secretly fantasize that someday, somewhere down the road, our paths may once again cross.
If that does happen, how will I react? Honestly, I don't know. Will I be able to remain strong and resist your scrumcilicious charms? Again, that remains to be seen. I'd like to believe that I'm strong enough to say no but again, I prefer not to be tested. At least not at this stage anyway.
I say all this simply to say that I truly do miss you and I will always love you.
Pizza, you will forever hold a very special place in my heart. As well as in my stomach.
The only difference between now and then is that now is now and then is or was then, meaning now can not be then if now is still now and not then and although now changes with every tick of the clock and then can either be past or present tense, then can never be now as now is now and not then but then again, every now and then you begin to wonder if now might be the perfect time but then you realize that your now has come and gone so rather than wait until then, why not do it now because by then it could very well be too late and then you'll no doubt be sitting there, looking back on your now as being way back then and thinking to yourself that if you only could remember now all of the things that you knew back then, then perhaps you wouldn't be so reluctant to go ahead and do it now while it's still now as opposed to waiting until then and wishing you would have done it now which in essence was back then when then was now.
You don't know what you don't know until you know it and only then will you begin to realize that you never knew that you didn't know it and while sometimes it's best to keep the unknowns, those things you don't know, as unknown, other times you are better off to face the unknowns head on, knowing full well that once you know the unknown, you could very well wish like hell you never knew and although your desire might be to go back to a time when you didn't know the unknown, at that point it's just too late because what's known can't be unknown. Unless of course you have Dementia. That's a different set of unknowns altogether.
Okay, I admit it. Sometimes I think I think too much about thinking too much and that's not to say that I over think things but now that I think about it, that very well could be the case with much of my thinking but the more I think about it, I think that to do things without having first thought about what you were thinking about doing could be more detrimental than one might think, therefore it's quite possible to think that while you might indeed think that you're over thinking things, you might want to think again. That's what I think anyway.
Is it too much to ask that we just agree to disagree? I mean, at least at that point we would again be in complete agreement in regards to disagreeing and while I agree that it isn't what we had hoped to first come to an agreement on, nonetheless it is an agreement of sorts and therefore a meeting of the minds as it were as well as an end to the original disagreement, which that in and of itself is somewhat of a relief considering nobody truly wins when an agreement can't be reached between two people that want nothing more than to reach an agreement. I hope this is agreeable to you as I would hate to have a disagreement over something so ridiculously disagreeable as this. Wouldn't you agree?
Just an FYI. If someone starts out a conversation with "Hang on, I'll be brief..." or "I don't want to take up a bunch of your time..." or "Let me just say this real quick...", you better grab some popcorn, a drink, make yourself comfy and get settled in because by all indications, you're gonna be there for quite a while.
I absolutely 100% deny that I'm in any form of denial. Not that I'm denying the fact that on a previous occasion or two I might have been denying the possibility of being in denial, while in fact having been in denial at the time, but I completely deny that at this time I'm in the slightest bit of denial, meaning I deny all charges against my being in denial, which when you think about it actually means that I am in denial to some point about being in denial but as I stated earlier, I refuse to admit to being in denial and therefore I rest my case.
If I only knew then what I know now or heck, if I was only half as hammered back then, who knows what I could have accomplished with all the knowledge that I have now had I had it back then when I was too hammered to know I had any knowledge and had no idea that in the future I would have so much more knowledge but that's not to say that I didn't have any knowledge whatsoever back then, it's just that I obviously chose not to use that knowledge at the time, at least not to it's fullest potential because had I done so, it might not seem as if I have so much more knowledge now as compared to the knowledge I had back then but had I known back then the knowledge I now possess, who knows what might have happened and just how different things might have been but as it is now, I must deny all knowledge of any such previous knowledge or any lack of knowledge thereof.
I currently find myself "standing by" and it dawned on me that while I'm standing by, I'm also spending quite a bit of time standing by to stand by and I began to wonder just exactly when does the transition from standing by to stand by and actually standing by take place or if in fact such a transition even exists because if it does indeed exist, and I'm not saying there is an actual, perceivable, transition between standing by to stand by and actually standing by, nor am I saying one doesn't exist, but if one such transition does exist, does that mean standing by to stand by is equally as productive as standing by is, not to mention holds the same amount of credibility as merely standing by does, or is the act of standing by to stand by somehow nowhere near as important as the act of standing by itself because I'd hate to think I was wasting a whole lotta time just standing by to stand by when I could be so much more productive by actually standing by, awaiting word on when I could cease standing by and switch to standing down mode. Currently I'm still standing by, awaiting word on whether I should continue to stand by to stand by or should I simply say screw it, stop wasting all this time standing by to stand by and just stand down.
When someone says good as opposed to well, half of me wants to correct them and the other half wants to leave well enough alone, accepting that good is good enough and just as good as well and it's all well and good and yet there's that nagging side of me that says while good is good, it's simply not good enough and well, while well is more appropriate than good in some cases, that's not always the case and in other cases, good is just as good as well and it's in that knowing full well when good is good enough and knowing good and well when it's all well and good to leave well enough alone that allows you to know full well when it's all good in the 'hood.
Even when we think we know everything, we don't know what we don't know until we know it. And once we know it, thereby realizing that we didn't already know it, we think we should have known it all along. Who knew.
I take it you've decided to leave it or should I leave it as if you've already made the decision to take it and simply, as of now, have yet to take it, because if you do choose to leave it and have not made plans to take it some time in the future, perhaps I would I better served to take it that you have not made the decision to take it and instead have chosen to leave it or would you suggest it merely appears that you have decided to leave it rather than to take it simply based on the fact that you have yet to take it and that's why it comes across as your having left it, when in fact you have every intention of taking it but in all this confusion, you have been forced to leave things as they are or were and have yet to take it but will at some point in the future take it rather than leave it. Either way, take it or leave it, I'll leave that entirely up to you.
Went to the Recycling Center today to turn in a bunch of bottles and cans and while I was in line weighting... oops, I mean waiting to get weighed, I noticed a sign posted on the window of the '"Cashiers Cubicle" stating something to the affect of "Anyone caught standing on the scale will have $5 deducted from their total." I took that to mean that the "recyclable scrap" value of the human body is somewhere around $5. Good thing doctors aren't forced to display those same signs. They'd never get away with charging the outrageous fees they do, that's for sure.
Why is it that when you have a certain special someone on your mind, minutes go by as if they're days and yet, when you have a seriously sucky pending payment looming in the nearby future, days fly by like they're hours. Near as I can figure it must have something to do with The Theory of Microwavativity.
While I may not be considered "perfect" by societies standards, that doesn't really bother me. The last thing I'm concerned about is what every day, run of the mill, society thinks of me. One couldn't hope to receive the admiration of all of the people out there anyway. So why even concern myself with any of that. I much prefer to think of myself as being "distinctly unique". Yep, I'm a one of a kind find and for those that can appreciate that, then that's awesome. There will never be another "ME" like me. And in today's world you can be anything you choose to be. And I choose to be me. So why not celebrate being uniquely you. After all, there's only one of you, too.
Spend your time searching for the good. You'll end up being far too busy to find anything bad.
If you're living in misery, you're doin' it wrong. Life's much too short for that. The alternative is always worse. So regardless of what you're going through, KEEP GOING! The best is yet ahead.
Wow, just opened a can of Bumble Bee tuna to put on my salad. I usually buy Starkist but this time I decided to break tradition and go with the Bumbler instead. Big mistake. And in an effort to avoid a slanderous lawsuit, all I'll say is it's blatantly obvious that tuna from a bee doesn't hold a candle to tuna from a chicken. 'Nuff said.
I already know it WILL happen. It's the "how" and the "when" that continue to elude me.
Right on, I pulled it off. That's why I never say never. Oooops, I guess I just said never. Okay, well I never say never in the context of saying never, meaning there's no possibility of a particular thing happening. However, apparently I do say never when I'm attempting to convey my belief in never giving up because you never know who or what awaits you just around the next corner. So although I never say never, next time I say never, please consider the context in which it was said. And please, never judge me. And don't even get me goin' on the whole right "on","pulled "off" thing.
Quite often you'll hear someone saying "Back in the good ol' days" as they look back on their way back when's, lamenting what once was and will likely never be again. As if it was so much better then than it is now. I tend to believe that time has a way of helping us to forget, as well as manipulate our memories. Making things seem better than they actually were.
And in some cases, if they were that great, we'd still be "there". But actually they weren't. So we aren't. Things have a way of working out however they will and we only have so much influence over that. So rather than look back on what once was, why not look forward to what might be.
Whether it be people, places or things, we all have a future to look forward to. A future of amazing untoldness. We simply have no idea of the wonders that await ahead. And I for one am really looking forward to the excitement of discovery. Let's get this party started.
Those advertising genius BASTARDS! They told me it was 'okay to look' but dammit, now that I've looked, I WANT and I can't have and I'm freakin' pissed that they told me it was okay to look, knowing full well that I was gonna look and that I was gonna want and not be able to have and yet even knowing I can't have, I still can't stop looking and not just because they said it was okay to look but because I like to look and I like what I'm lookin' at so I'll be damned if I'm gonna stop lookin' just because I want and can't have but I sure as hell wish they would have warned me first of just how much I would want after I looked and I'm not sayin' that that would have stopped me from lookin' but it sure would have been nice to have a warning of the pain that was about to be inflicted on me from lookin'.
If it ain't one thing, it's another. I mean, sure, losing weight and getting in shape does have its strong points. After all, it's like getting an entirely new wardrobe since now you can once again wear all those pants that have been languishing in your closet simply because you didn't have a hope in hell of ever squeezin' in to 'em. But on the other hand, now that you can wear 'em again, dammit if you don't have to continually find a belt to keep 'em from sliding off. The struggle is real and it really is a struggle.
Believe me, I'm all for our wonderful Mothers out there getting their "Day" for all they've done and continue to do for us. We know very well that without them, we simply wouldn't be. And the same with the Dads out there. Regardless of how many of them "come and go", they deserve some serious credit for their input as well.
But with all that said, what about all of us guys that have done just as much to help society by NOT acting irresponsibly and procreating when the situation wasn't quite right to do so. Therefore I suggest we should get our own day of recognition. Perhaps something along the lines of "Happy You Pulled Out Early Day" or "Happy The Rabbit Died Day" or perhaps "Happy False Positive Day" or maybe even "Happy Glad Your Period's Not Late Day". Anything to say thanks to us single guys for doing our best NOT to give it our all.
I'm not quite sure why but I much prefer to be thought of as "shifty" as opposed to "shady". Not that they aren't somewhat similar in sound. Some people might even consider them to have a relatively similar meaning. It's just that shady doesn't come across nearly as intellectually intriguing, as creatively crafty and contemporarily cunning as shifty does.
It seems to me that in order for one to be considered shifty, that would require said person to possess quite a bit of ingenious ingenuity, combined with a desirable dash of nonchalant Ninjaness. Whereas shady could just be some dodgy dude drivin' around in an old ratched out van. And that's so not me. I'm simply not a van fan.
You know, I think you know more than you think you know and quite often it isn't until you're questioned about just what it is you think you know and you have to think about what it is you do know before it triggers something in your brain pertaining to what you know, even though you thought you didn't know, causing you to think about what it is you didn't think you knew only to discover that in fact, despite thinking you didn't know what you thought you didn't know, in actuality you did indeed know what you thought you didn't know and if I might be so bold as to say, you knew it all too well. Now, that's not to say you're a know it all. At least I don't think you think you are anyway. Not based on what I know anyway. Do you think so?
It is what it is and that's all it is but that's not to say that what it is isn't enough of what it is, nor is it an indication that what it is is too much of what it is and while you might attempt to second guess it, thinking there just has to be more to what it is than what it is appears it is, at the end of the day there's just no arguing the fact that what it is is and always will be just that, exactly what it is. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Quite often I find that asking a question (inside my head) fuels a passion deep within me, triggering my desire to do whatever is necessary to find the answer. I guess I'm on a "need to know" basis with myself.
Apparently there's a big difference between "captivate" and "capture". At least as far as your audience is concerned. As it turns out, capturing your audience can also be construed as kidnapping and believe it or not, kidnapping is a felony. Go figure. Some lessons must be learned the hard way.
In reference to ones "perceived" flaws, have you ever noticed that when you don't notice it nor pay any attention to it, others don't take nearly as much notice of it. If at all. But the second they notice that you're noticing it, even subconsciously, they then begin to take notice of it as well, unable not to notice it. As if a shark smelling blood, they can't help but focus in on it and as much as you attempt to unnotice it, at that point it simply can't be unnoticed. So take notice. From here on out, never let 'em see you sweat!
With all I have to think about and be concerned with on a daily basis, I must admit that worrying about whether or not a duck's ass is watertight is not exactly the highest of priorities.
Shopping online for eyeglasses when you can't see because you need the eyeglasses you're online shopping for to see the eyeglasses you're shopping for online makes the prospect of finding the exact eyeglasses you're looking for a less than 20/20 proposition at best.
I'm not sayin' you're a for sure looser ..... ooops, I mean loser but if you don't know the difference between lose and loose, than ......ooops, I mean then I'm not quite sure what to say because for some reason when I see someone use the word loose as opposed to lose, it immediately tightens my stomach up in knots. Knots that won't come lose .....oooops, I mean loose no matter how hard I try and than ....oooops, I mean then it takes everything I have to hold myself back from callin' that person a looser ....ooops, I mean loser.
With all the amazing developments that have taken place over the past century or two, things like the internal combustion engine, television, computers, peanut butter & jelly in the same jar, shampoo & conditioner in the same bottle, fantasterrific things like those, it kinda makes you wonder who the first person was that ever shouted "Woo Hoo, after 10,000 attempts I finally achieved success. I'm so glad I never gave up. I finally got that old pair of shoes wrapped around that power wire." If he had only known how many lives that would be changed through his creation. The unknown inventor of Shoe Flinging. Another unsung hero, left by the wayside, never to receive his well deserved accolades.
There's no "I" in Team. Unless of course you're part of the "I-Team", then that's another story altogether.
The only thing freakincreepier than people speaking in the "Third" person is when they type in the "Fourth" person. For example, something along the lines of "Bryan is extremely disappointed in Bryan's lack of sticktoitivness pertaining to reaching Bryan's goal of exercising more during Bryan's months of Spring and for Bryan to lose a few pounds in Bryan's gut-emous maximus area prior to the beginning of Bryan's Summer, which Bryan considers this Holiday weekend to be the "unofficial" start to Bryan's Summer and therefore, Bryan thinks that Bryan pretty much sucks!" Needless to say Bryan is majorly ceepified after Bryan read this, Bryan's just flat out creepified.
Recently Bryan spoke with Bryan and according to Bryan, Bryan is currently in therapy for Bryan's condition regarding Bryan's disdain for people that refer to themselves in the "Fourth" person and after Bryan's in depth conversation with Bryans Doctor, Bryans Doctor believes Bryan has every right to hope for a full recovery. Bryan hopes Bryan's Doctor is correct in his assessment regarding Bryan's condition.
When you think about it, isn't it amazing how, for the most part, we always seem to know what everyone else is thinking? Or would be thinking if they only knew what they should be thinking about or reacting to at the proper time they should be thinking about it as well as reacting to it.
One minute we determine that because we feel a certain way about a particular "something", then a certain someone or the majority of others must feel exactly as we do. I mean, how could they not. It's the correct way to think, feel and react. Or so we think anyway.
Then the next second, we're thinking about something else entirely and we've already reached the conclusion that they totally disagree with our thinking because we KNOW they just don't get it. And they're basically clueless that any of this is even going on because all of this is going on in our own minds, not theirs. At least not as far as we know anyway.
Any input from the person(s) in question isn't required because we already know exactly what it is they're thinking or what they would think and what their reactions would be, if they chose to tell us exactly what they were thinking at the time we know they were thinking it. Or should have been thinking it anyway.
*The Theory Of Perpendogularity*
The theory of Perpendogularity simply means that regardless of any known horizontally vertical or vertically horizontal boundaries, be they visibly visual or not, during "sleep time" (which very well could be 23.7 hours of the day), the boundaries in question will be completely disregarded by any dog or dogs in the nearby vicinity of these so called boundaries.
In layman's terms it basically means that a dog will sleep wherever the hell he wants, whenever he wants and you can pretty much count on her/him sleeping "perpendogular" to whatever direction would be most comfortable for all involved.
Let's face it. Women run the world. Guys know it. Women think it might be true but due to the massive efforts of most all of the men to keep that a super secret, some women still have their doubts. But at the end of the day, women have a pretty good idea that might well be the case.
And for the most part, women like Unicorns. Guys, on the other hand, are not really known for being the biggest fans of unicorns. There seems to be a bit of disagreement as to whether or not they even exist but like Big Foot, it can't be proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that they don't exist so rather than start an argument about it, we just live with it. So, at the end of the day what this all boils down to is the entire world is run by people that believe in unicorns. Luckily we still have leprechauns to give us all the luck we'll ever need.
I have no idea what the actual statistics are but I'd love to know if anyone has ever done a study on the one word that ends up missing a letter the most often. My money is on the word "your" missing its "R". I see that grammistake all the time, as well as make it myself all too often.
Who's got time to read the stupid instructions! Everybody knows you're going to need all that extra time just to figure out how to use the damn thing.
Why is it that immediately upon awakening from an extremely bad dream, my mind automatically shifts in to "Screenwriter mode" and I hope like hell I can remember all the good bad parts? Feeling like I'm channeling Quentin Tarantino.
Finally, the results are in and to say they are overwhelmingly overwhelming is the understatement of the century. I just finished my long running experiment and the results prove beyond a shadow of a doubt what many people have wondered for centuries.
I just spoke to the dog, giving him verbal commands. Sit, stay, come here, do the dishes, etc. First in English. And then in a blend of Sicilian and Alien, sort of a Martianitalian mix and low and behold, the dog responded exactly the same way in both instances. You guessed it, he didn't freakin' move. Not one inch. Regardless of tone, inflection or decibel level. Thereby proving once and for all that dogs don't give a darn what you say, nor what language you say it in.
Damn, sometimes I really do miss the good ol' days. You know, back when the $20's that were dispensed from the ATM's were all facing the same direction, freshly ironed and not a bend or a tear in sight. Nowadays it looks as if they were all taken from a Walmart register at the end of Black Friday.
Hmmmmmm...., why is it that nearly every time I attempt to discipline the dog (for wandering half a block down the road on his own), instead of getting a stern talking to, he ends up getting a rub down while I sing to him? Note to self; Sign up for Doggie Discipline classes because I obviously suck at doggie disciplining.
I continue to see (well, let's say hear) all of these commercials on TV shouting the virtues of computer glasses and how they can help you see your monitor so much better as well as reduce eye strain. But it leaves me with an eye burning question. How in the hell do they even know what type of computer I have? So unfortunately I gotta call BS on 'em.
I once had a feeling that I had a feeling and yet, not knowing just exactly what it was I was feeling, I chose to ignore the feeling since I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that I was feeling, even though there was no doubt in my mind that what I was feeling was indeed a feeling and a very strong feeling at that but feeling that this feeling might be further compounded (for better or worse) if I continued on feeling what I was feeling and again, not knowing if what I was feeling was either a good feeling or a bad feeling, I chose to do my best to ignore the feeling, hoping the feeling would just disappear altogether and yet, somehow I feel that perhaps I should have given this feeling a bit more time to mature because now I'm feeling as if had I done that, this feeling that I now feel, that unfinished feeling of feeling something unfinished leaves me feeling as if I might not be feeling the way I'm feeling now had I let my feelings run wild. Perhaps it was more than a feeling after all.
I have yet to figure out why people aren't always too keen on taking on the personalities and the character traits of the cartoon characters they so closely resemble. I mean, isn't that why they look, dress and act like they do in the first place? C'mon people, let loose, own it and have fun with it.
Why is it that the so called "Know it alls" always seem to know the least of anybody. I'd much rather be thought of as an idiot for asking a supposedly stupid question than to be thought of as a complete dumbshit because I thought I already knew everything and didn't. Which, of course, back in High School I actually did know everything about everything but that's a different story.
Promises Promises. Ya gotta love Bill Collector's. I mean, who else can make the idiotic seem even more ridiculous than it already is but Bill Collectors. I just received a notice stating it was the LAST FINAL NOTICE. Meaning the 69 FINAL NOTICES prior to that weren't actually THE Final Notice but THIS Final Notice will actually be THE Final Notice because it's the LAST FINAL NOTICE.
Make no mistake about it. While all the other Final Notice's were originally intended to be THE Final Notice (that is until the next Final Notice arrived), those Final Notice's formerly known as THE FINAL NOTICE were apparently only precursors to the actual Final Notice.
Therefore, this LAST "Best & Final" FINAL NOTICE must without a doubt be the real deal. How do I know this? Well, simply because it says LAST FINAL NOTICE on the outside of the envelope in giant red text, that's how. And believe me, I truly hope it is THE LAST FINAL NOTICE. I mean c'mon, they wouldn't BS me... would they?
I just don't get these Radiomercials that state "If you have suffered injury or death from taking "Suchnsuchapill", you may be entitled to participate in a Class Action settlement. If you're dead, how in the hell are you going to file, let alone collect on a settlement!?!
That awkward moment when the sweet sound of silence is shattered by a woman whispering the words "What are you thinking?" and before you know it, whatever it was you were thinking has been immediately replaced by thoughts of what exactly WERE you thinking when she asked you what you were thinking and now you're thinking should you have been thinking those thoughts and if you truly could remember what it was you were thinking, would you think it would be something she would think was something she would want you to be thinking or would it be better to think up something that you think she would have wanted you to be thinking when she thought you were thinkfully thinking but since you can't remember what it was you were thinking, you can't very well ask her if what you were thinking is what she thought you were thinking or ask her what she had hoped you were thinking and as this thinking process continues on you begin to think that you better think of something pretty damn quick or she's going to begin to think you were thinking the unthinkable and we all know what she's going to think about that and in spite of what you might think, in this case there's no such thing as overthinking things. At least I think so anyway.
They said it couldn't be done.... so I went ahead and did it. Not to prove them wrong, but instead to prove me right.
I really miss the good ol' days. Ya know, like back when you could buy a pair of walking shorts that didn't leave a weird ass tan line on your ankles.
It just occurred to me how things have changed over the past couple centuries. Where we used to look to our literary giants, our political and religious leaders for our inspirational quotes and words of wisdom, now we seek our motivation from lines in a movie script based on a flippin' comic book. That kinda tells ya somethin' right there, doesn't it.
Have you ever noticed that if you're not into somethin', then you find it extremely odd that others are into it and yet, if you are into somethin' and you run across someone that isn't into it, you have to ask yourself what's up with them and why aren't they into it. It's all a ball of confusion.
Okay, okay, I admit it. With my eyes closed I can't tell whether I'm eating yellow moons, pink hearts or green clovers. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, the yellow moons taste just like the blue moons.
I've told you a thousand times, I NEVER exaggerate!
I'd like to know where moths hang out during the day. I'd much prefer to go ahead and "disappear" them during the day rather than wait until night time. It seems as if it would be so much easier during the day.
If you hear someone say "Woo Hoo, it's Monday and I can't wait to get to work", chances are they are either high level Day Traders or they work at a Medical Marijuana Store.
How can it be that regardless of whether I initiate an online conversation or respond to a conversation directed towards me, somehow I always seem to be the last one talkin'. Not that I'm getting a complex about it or anything.
They said the truth was impossible to find. I immediately knew it was a lie.
Random doesn't happen merely by accident. It's all part of the plan.
I can promise you there's much more to it than that and that I can promise you.
It always confuses me when a woman states emphatically "I'M SOOOOOO OVER IT!" and then proceeds to repeat that very same phrase another 69 times, apparently in an effort to get her point across even further. Kinda makes me think she's not all that over it.
Dangit, I'm still livin' "Libido Loco" and I can tell you one thing for sure, it's been goin' on a helluva lot longer than a measly four hours. More like four decades. But who's countin'!
Note to self; Check your notes.
I sure wish somebody would create a Swamp People emoticon. There are so many posts that leave me with the sound of dueling banjos ringin' in my head.
To thine own self be you.
Three words that strike fear in the hearts of men everywhere. "GIRLS NIGHT OUT!" And you thought I was gonna say "I Love You."
I just want you to know that it's not my first Rodeo. Although I've never actually been to a real live rodeo but I have been to Rodeo Dr.. So in essence, until I go to a Rodeo, I can't honestly say it's not my first Rodeo, although it's not my first rodeo.
Sometimes the "sounds" of silence scream louder than any words ever could.
Life Lesson No.169 : If you have to remind someone to remember you, perhaps you're better off leaving things as forgotten. After all, as we recently learned back in Life Lesson No.144 : Actions speak louder than words.
I would rather stand up, stand out and stand alone than stand down.
I'm constantly reminded of how some people possess near 20/20 vision and yet are still unable to "see" clearly.
It's amazing how much f*ree info we can learn from those around us. Both in the ways we want to be as well as not want to be. All it takes is a bit of listening, focus and observation and it's amazing the lessons we can learn. Saves quite a bit of money on therapy and Life Coach fees.
To all the ladies in FB Land, just a quick FYI. Contrary to popular belief, guys are in no way mind readers. Therefore, we require more than a smile, a frown, a nod, a wink, a secret handshake or anything vaguely similar if we are in some way supposed to have a clue exactly what it is you're thinking. But then again, I probably didn't even need to say that since all women are inherently mind readers. It's in their jeans. Oops, I mean genes.
Sometimes it's difficult to decide if I'd prefer being famously infamous or infamously famous. Decisions... decisions.
I would have made one hell of an Ice Road Trucker if it weren't for the fact that I hate being cold, have no idea how to drive an 18 wheeler and I'm really not into rubbin' noses (or anything else for that matter) with an Eskimo woman. But besides those few obstacles, I coulda been great!
We've all heard of the "Circle Of Trust". But nothing says "Triangle Of Mistrust" more so than the triangle shaped bag holder at the Walmart checkout line. I'm willing to bet that 6 out of 9 Walmart shoppers have experienced the hell of arriving home after your Walmart shopping spree only to discover that five of the items on your receipt (that the woman sitting on the stool at the exit of the store just marked with a yellow highlighter pen) are sho 'nuff missing. And the ONLY place they could be is in the bag still hooked to that damn 'Triangle Of Mistrust". Hence the true "Rollback" comes in to play as you get back in your car and roll on back to Walmart to hopefully retrieve your items.
I may not always be 100% politically correct but there's no doubt in my mind that I'm 100% correct politically.
Just because it hasn't doesn't mean that it can't nor that it won't. One just never knows for sure.
Just so happens that sometimes you wonder how it happened. Other times you wonder why it happened. And then there are those times you wonder why in the hell it didn't happen sooner.
It's amazing how much f*ree info we can learn from those around us. Both in the ways we want to be as well as not want to be. All it takes is a bit of listening, focus and observation and it's amazing the lessons we can learn. Saves quite a bit of money on therapy and Life Coach fees
Have you ever noticed that the things you notice most about yourself more often than not are not the noticeable things others notice most about you when they are taking notice of noticeable things to notice about you? Might be worth taking notice of.
How can it be that regardless of whether I initiate an online conversation or respond to a conversation directed towards me, somehow I always seem to be the last one talkin'. Not that I'm getting a complex about it or anything.
If you've had any similar experiences where your brain just simply won't shut off. Where your thought processes continue to keep processing, whether you want it to or not, I'd enjoy hearing about it and if you know of anyone that might have had an unforgettable experience or two while shopping there, I'd appreciate it if you'd share this post with them. Thank you.