Yeppers, basically the ability to perceive humor (or an attempt therein) or appreciate a joke. You might be thinkin' that everybody has a sense of humor and while some folks might be a bit better at giving, as well as receiving, humor than others, somewhere deep down inside we all have a sense of humor. Correct? Maybe not.
I used to think so but as time has passed I've come to learn that there are many people that are completely devoid of a sense of humor. In the beginning I wrote it off to my lousy 'delivery' or the person in question was having a bad day or any number of other reasons that they seemed unable (or unwilling) to even crack a smile. Let alone actually relax enough to laugh.
Nope, not even a quivering lip or a snort of coffee thru the nose. The best they could muster was a means of consoling me in my time of need. Because in their mind, I needed a hug. And they weren't jokin'.
Here I was, attempting to add a bit of humor to their lives, hoping to take them out of their downward spiral and their only response was to console me. To pacify me. To let me know that everything would be ok.
Say what? But that was just it. It wasn't going to be ok. I didn't expect it to be ok. It was what it was and the best way to deal with it was to laugh about it. At least for the time being anyway. Crying about it certainly wasn't going to fix it. And no amount of coddling was going to change that. It was either laugh about it and move on or wallow in it and go nowhere but downhill.
And the more often these episodes occur, the more I realize that some people just don't possess a funny bone. And to me that's truly the epitome of depressing. I myself can't even imagine the horror of a self imposed prison such as that. They won't allow themselves to laugh. To relax and have a good chucklefest. About anything. Least not about themselves. And lemme tell ya, if you can't laugh at yourself first and foremost, who can you laugh at.
Because believe me, people are going to laugh at you. It's part of life. And you can either choose to laugh right there with 'em (Except even louder of course. Helps to drown them out.) or you can do your best to run and hide, pretending you can't hear them. But it's pretty much guaranteed that while you're busy hiding out in your Dehumiliation Hut, they're still out there laughing their problems away. Sometimes at your expense.
Which makes me wonder if that's why I enjoy laughter so much, especially when it comes to making others laugh. For me laughter is a release, a redirection of sorts. It helps me take my mind off of my problems and helps me to change direction. On to different things.
Not that it necessarily 'fixes' my problems but the fact that I'm no longer wallowing in them, even if just for a minute or two, allows me to take a break and refocus, viewing things from an entirely different viewpoint.
And more often than not I find that can help lead to a solution of some kind. Or at least a postponement of pain. Whether it solves the problem or not, just taking a mini break can make all the difference in the world as to how I tackle the problem (challenge). But I guess some people choose different 'solutions' for their problems.
Or simply choose not to face their problems at all. At least not until they explode. Then, like it or not, they are forced to solve their issues. But who likes doing what they don't want to do simply because they have no other choice but to do it. Not me, that's for sure. If it's productive, that's one thing but if it's merely because you have no way to release a bit of personal pressure and express your thoughts other than to wait until you explode, that can't be good. For anyone.
While this may sound odd, I'll mention it anyway. I find it to be extremely sexy when a woman doesn't take herself nor life itself too seriously. When she can put on a huge smile and simply laugh at herself. And welcomes others to laugh with her. Shuper shexy to say the least.
Life is serious enough as it is and like they say, nobody gets out alive. Humility is such a wonderfully attractive gift and when a woman can show her vulnerability, allowing a sudden outbreak of laughter to take over, it doesn't get much better than that.
Anyway, I guess what I'm attempting to say is that I'm grateful for my sense of humor. Whether it's all in my mind or not, that's beside the point. The point is I'm not afraid to laugh. Even at myself.
Matter of fact, especially at myself. And if I can get someone else to crack a smile along the way, then that's all the better. Laughter truly is the best medicine.
Day 17 ~ Actions
As in "Actions Speak Louder Than Words." We've all heard this saying throughout our lives. And for some people, they got the message loud and clear very early on. And then, for those of us (like myself) that are perhaps a bit more reluctant to view people in a semi negative way, it has taken quite a bit more time to sink in.
As far as my comment about 'negativity' is concerned, my meaning behind that is directed towards having to look at people that never live up to their word or words in more of a negative manner. Which I don't enjoy doing. I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt and hope beyond hope that they will eventually deliver on their word. In essence, that at some point their actions will be in alignment with their words.
Unfortunately, this doesn't always take place and all the wishin' and hopin' in the world won't make it so. Leaving a trail of disappointment behind them, they continue on their merry way as if everything is good in the 'hood. Probably not so merry for the person hoping they would live up to their words though.
I think my problem with this stems from the fact that my word is my bond. At least I sure strive for it to be anyway. And while I do like to joke a lot, if I say I'm going to do something, then I do my best to do it. Or I will at least have a very good explanation as to why I wasn't able to make it happen.
And when it comes to matters of the heart, no jokin' around. I'm not much for playin' games with peoples emotions. It's just not who I am. But for some people, it appears that it's not all that important if they don't live up to their word. One 'episode' in this regard took place a few years back and although it was a definite heartbreaker, apparently it was a lesson I needed to learn.
A woman I was attracted to at the time repeatedly made her feelings known to me on many occasions. Or as I have since come to learn, as near as I can figure it's what she 'thought' were her feelings. And yet her actions never seemed to mesh with what she said she was feeling. But in my wanting her feelings to actually be the feelings she was feeling, when she told me what her feelings supposedly were, I had blinders on which wouldn't allow me to see her total lack of action pertaining to her feelings.
Basically she was talkin' the talk but wasn't walkin' the walk she was talkin' about walkin'. If that makes any sense. When it finally got to the point that I needed to dig a bit deeper in an effort to find out why the results just weren't there, her only response to me was "You should have paid attention to my actions, not my words."
Say HUH? I didn't really have a response for that. Total blindside. After all, she was right. I guess I should have been watching her actions. But for her to just come right out and more or less say "You and I both know my word is worthless, I'm full of s#!t and it's your fault for believing what I said in the first place." At least that's what it sounded like to me.
Actually at that point my face was a bit numb and as the minutes ticked by she started to sound more and more like Charlie Browns teacher. Wa wa wa wa waaaaaa. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could somebody know that pretty much everything they said was pure BS and yet, continue to throw it out there as if it had substance. As if it had meaning.
I was dumbfounded. I had nothing to say at that point. All I could do was agree, lick my wounds and move on. Consider it a difficult lesson learned and hope I don't run across anyone like that again. Her lack of integrity was astounding and to me, integrity (along with communication) are two of the biggest factors in a relationship. ANY relationship.
So time continues to roll by and semi recently the subject of actions speaking louder than words came up during a conversation with a friend. And she went on to inform me that in her opinion I was just as much at fault for believing what she said as the woman was for laying all the BS out there.
After all, I should have questioned her much sooner than I did about her lack of action as opposed to just hangin' in there and hoping for the best. And I will admit to being a bit blinded by the fact that I really did want her words to be true. I figured the 'action' part would come with time. But I don't like to mistrust and look at a person in a negative way right off the bat.
Yeah, I'm the fool that trusts people right from the start and then gets burned and wonders how it happened. Did I mention I'm a work in progress? But again, I just don't like starting off with a negative view of others. Anyway, my friend goes on to tell me that I'm just as much to blame, I should have known, that actions speak louder than words and pretty much any dummy knows that. Which of course hit me deep but it also got me to thinking and I had to admit she did have a good point.
And I did give the previous woman more than enough time to deliver on her word, even if it didn't seem like it at the time. Funniest thing of all though is how the woman that informed me that I was just as much at fault in the first episode ended up pulling basically the same thing. Not on anything near the same scale but in the same manner.
She too said quite a few things that she never lived up to, her actions falling way short of her words. But thanks to her, this time I was more than prepared. I'm definitely grateful for lessons such as these because each and every time it happens, it gets easier.
I still haven't learned to doubt and mistrust people right off the bat. And I hope that's a lesson I never learn. But I truly am grateful for knowing that actions really do speak louder than words.
Day 18 ~ Delusional
According to Wikipedia, a delusion is a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary. I had originally planned to create a post on an entirely different topic for today but out of nowhere, an unbelievably unbelievable display of delusionality popped up and stole center stage. Which led to my realization of just how grateful I am that I'm NOT delusional.
And while you might be asking how someone can determine for themselves as to whether or not they're delusional, please allow me to explain. Let's just say that when you're in the midst of someone that is truly delusional, it's pretty easy to spot. This has nothing to do with overly positive thinking. Believing in the utterly unbelievable. That's an entirely different subject.
I'm very familiar with The Law Of Attraction, The Secret, Abraham and things from that arena. And I'll be the first to admit that I believe that positive thinking does indeed work to some extent. Regardless of how you feel about that type of 'woo woo' stuff, one thing's for certain. Positive thinking trumps negative thinking each and every time. No questions asked.
No, I'm also not referring to just shoving ones head in the sand, positively pretending that everything will be ok if and when you finally do uncork your head from the sand to take a long overdue breath. I believe that's more along the lines of flat out denial.
Not the river but the refusal to accept things as they all too obviously are. A situation where all the positive thinking in the world won't change the reality nor the outcome. And no amount of denial is going to make it disappear. It's a situation that must be dealt with at some point and time, for better or worse, like it or not. But when it comes to reality and thinking realistically, that also has its place as well.
At some point we all must face certain things in life as they are. On lifes terms and with a realistic outcome in mind. And this is where I believe the art of delusion comes in to play.
Now, having said that, I'm not 100% convinced that it's something that can be triggered on cue, as if by choice. I'm not even convinced it's a ready made default mode of sorts. I lean more towards the possibility of it always being there to some degree and the more it's needed, the more often it's used. Who knows, more than likely there is some type of scientific data related to percentages of people using this as their go to "Get Out Of Flail Free" card.
Whether it's by choice or just a randomly unsolicited option, either way it's scary as all get out. And as I stood there listening to this person explain to me how this impending, no way of escaping, soon to be right in their lap situation would all work itself out because blah blah blah blah, my mind began to go numb.
As if it was an out of body experience, I could still hear her speaking but I was busy at the time inside my own head asking "What on earth is this person even thinking. Doesn't she get the severity of the situation she's facing? And if not, how come? Can she not see what's about to happen in the oh so very near future?" And as I began to tune back in to her spiel, I quickly came to realize that in her mind this wasn't any type of delusion whatsoever. This WAS her reality. No denial involved.
She honestly believed that what she was saying was indeed the truth. At least the truth as she saw it. And that despite all the signs pointing in one particular direction, she was going to continue to row her boat against the current with the one good (ok, it's severely cracked but it's the only one she has left so it's all relative) oar she has remaining and if, despite all her best efforts (or lack thereof), the current eventually takes her over the falls, then so be it. It is what it is.
If she happens to survive the freefall, then she'll grasp a quick breath and once again continue on paddling against the current. Somewhere in that noggin' of hers she had decided early on that it's much safer in there than it is in the real world. And as I began to ponder this entire scenario, on one hand I was blown away by the way she was able to simply flat out ignore all the 'Watch For Rocks' and 'Shallow Water Ahead' signs that were seemingly everywhere.
And on the other hand, I almost found myself being a bit jealous of how she was able to take a virtual vacation from reality with such ease. Myself, I just couldn't do it. Perhaps that was a bit of what I was searching for back in my drinking days but as I sit here now on Reality Island, nearly a decade later, to be honest, that kind of thinking absolutely scares the crap outta me.
I couldn't help but think that eventually she's going to 'come to', to wake up and be faced with an even larger hurdle to overcome. More than likely an insurmountable one at that.
Then it dawned on me. I think that's the key to being delusional. It's not a part time thing. Ya gotta commit.... or be committed, whichever comes first. Delusionville is similar to the Hotel Facebook in that you can check out but you can never leave.
Meaning you're never all that far from wherever the heck you think you are. Which at this point, where that is is anybodys guess. One thing's for sure though, for her it's anywhere but Earth. Nope, she seems to reside in a Galaxy far far away, on the dark side of Planet Delusion.
Day 19 ~ Outside The Box Thinker
Hmmmm.... what's the best way to describe what I'm attempting to say here. Perhaps that I'm more of a trail blazer than a pasture grazer. I'm most definitely not one of the Sheeple, that's for sure. If the 'crowd' is doing it, then you can pretty well bet I'll be heading in the opposite direction. And rather quickly at that.
For those of you familiar with Dr. Wayne Dyer, one of my fave quotes of his went something along the lines of "If you follow the herd, you'll end up stepping in s#!t" and I couldn't agree more.
Perhaps this stems from my belief that most 'trends' are a form of manipulation. Usually starting off from some lamestream media source, meant to direct people in a certain way towards a particular twisted goal. To control their thinking as well as their actions. And once it begins to get 'legs' of its own, they will then continue to feed the monster until it has a life of its own.
This can start anywhere from Washington, District of Criminals all the way to Wall St. and everywhere in between. The Manipulation Machine churns out its lies 24/7/365 and like a snowball, it grabs all the Sheeple in its wake, gathering strength the longer it continues on its path of destruction.
Before you know it, the Potato People are embattled in brawls from East to West, losing their minds, as well as their freedom, over issues that they couldn't have cared less about two weeks prior. But all of a sudden it's the biggest thing in their lives because the news told 'em it should be.
They don't have a clue what they're fighting for or who they're fighting against. All they know is they saw something on TV that told them to be angry and to take their anger out on anyone that disagreed with their newly found viewpoint. And if there isn't anyone around that disagrees with them, then just pick a fight with the nearest person you can find and make up a reason for it later. Market manipulation at its finest.
And every time I see this scenario play out, it makes me even more grateful that I'm more than able to remain above the fray. If it's 'trending', you can count me out. I enjoy thinking for myself, thank you. I take pleasure in it. Matter of fact I find that if too many people are doing what I'm doing or heaven forbid, vice versa, then I stop to question my own thinking, wondering if I too have somehow been bitten by the "BS Bug" and fallen prey to their tactics.
On the rare occasion that happens, I'm more than ready to step back and rethink my situation. I'm always anxious to blaze a new trail along the path less taken, clearing the brush (keepin' a close eye out for ticks, of course) as I push forward. Forward to the unknown. And after all, isn't that a huge part of what this journey called life is about? Pursuing our own passions, chasing our own dreams. I should hope so anyway.
One of my biggest regrets as a child was in not following my own passion. There was a list of "Can Be's & Should Be's" put in front of me at an early age and unfortunately for me, everything I 'desired' to be wasn't on that list. Nope, not even close. Which, needless to say pretty much squashed my enthusiasm early on towards doing anything.
So I spent most of my life doing things I knew I could do but never in doing anything I wanted to do. And the regret from that still stings to this day. Fortunately for me I was able to step back some time ago, see the stupidity in such maneuvers, learn from that lesson and explore various paths that I should have traveled a long time ago.
It's like they say, "It's never too late to be what you might have been" and I believe they pretty much nailed it with that one. And while I might not be the sharpest crayon in the grocery store, that's a life lesson that I wouldn't hesitate to share with any person. Young or old.
I honestly believe that if you're passionate about whatever it is you're doing, you'll do it without having to be asked nor told. You'll do it because you want to, not because you have to. And that's the key to everything. That's when it's worth doing. So don't be afraid to blaze a trail of your own. I believe you'll find that the best stuff isn't waiting for you in some box.
If there's something bouncing around in the back of your mind, something nagging at you, something you'd like to try, then I say go ahead. Give it a shot. You've got nothin' to lose. You don't have to be the best at it, you just have to be your best. At being you.
And I'm also a firm believer that when you choose these various paths to the unknown, more often than not, many unknown opportunities will materialize. Doors that you never even knew existed will open up along the way. Thereby creating even more untold possibilities.
Options that you would have never had access to had you continued to follow the herd because chances are you'd be too busy scraping the bottom of your shoes to even notice these opportunities passing you by. Yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I'm more than grateful to consider myself an outside the box thinker.
Day 20 ~ Mechanical Aptitude
Sounds simple enough. Basically my ability to fix shtuff, mechanically speaking. For me it started at a very early age. Yeah, I was that kid that got bored early on with his toys and before long I was on a need to know basis with them.
Meaning I needed to know more about them. Especially how they 'worked'. What made them tick. And it was that curiosity, that endless wondering that led me to do my best to disassemble pretty much every toy I ever had. To my parents disdain of course.
At least the toys that had moving parts of some sort anyway. If it was in some way electrically operated or battery operated, at some point it was going to meet its demise at the hands of some kid with an overly developed inquiring mind. That would be me.
And no, they didn't always go back together in the same way they came apart. Admittedly there were some parts that were either 'extra' or flat out came up missing along the way. That's not to say these toys in question never 'worked' again but from that point on, they were pretty much genetically altered in some way, shape or form.
That was a huge part of the fun in experimenting with 'em. Of course, some of these toys met an early demise, being relegated to the trash can far too early in their young lives. But that was the sacrifice one has to make in the pursuit of knowledge. Some must die so that others can live a supposedly better life. Albeit in a different form.
My feeling was that if Mattel could do it, so could I. Only better. They had nothin' on me! And yes, without a doubt I paid a heavy price for this knowledge through, let's just say, a variety of disciplinary methods. Some easier on the glutes than others, but all memorable in their own way.
As I got older, this pursuit of knowledge continued to grow as well. As the 'toys' got larger and more complex, my hunger for knowledge did the same. I didn't grow up in one of those dream households, where upon getting your Drivers License you were immediately gifted an awesomely reliable auto (perhaps Mom or Dads 4 year old hand me down Honda) but instead I was forced to buy what I could afford from working after school and on weekends.
Needless to say, my first car(s) were far from ideal. And they were even further from reliable. Reliability wasn't on any 'options' list I had access to. Which during those all too often 'down times' left me with two realistic options. I could either start walking or else figure out how to fix 'em and get back to being mobile and I gotta admit, I prefered option #2.
I believe there's an old saying that goes something like "Walking home long distances in the dark really sucks and those episodes are the Mother of invention" or something pretty darn close to that anyway. And I couldn't agree more. But I would like to add that with each and every breakdown came a lesson of some sort.
Whether it be to always carry a decent set of tools with you or perhaps always wear a comfy pair of shoes and have a good jacket in the car because chances are you're gonna be walkin' home by the end of the night. Either way, there was a lesson in there somewhere.
And as time went along, the vehicles became more reliable and thankfully my 'lessons' became fewer and further in between. Not completely gone from my life altogether (that's simply too much to hope for) but without a doubt, they diminished in numbers.
Which was a good thing because if it's one thing I learned, it's that breakdowns suck. Not to mention one is only allowed so many 'lessons' in life and I had reached my lesson quota long ago. Or so I would like to think anyway.
But sure enough, just this past weekend I had an unexpected breakdown, completely out of left field. My truck was running great on Friday. First thing Saturday morning, my mobility came to an abrupt standstill. All crank, no start.
Now, I could call somebody to tow it to a Repair Shop but to be honest, I don't trust other people to do a decent job. Even on my current clunker. Heck, back when I had a new car I hated going to the Dealership as well. Even just for a warranty validating mandatory oil change and checkover.
Whether it be shoddy work, greasy hand prints, dirty carpet stains or the occasional poke in the leather seat due to the screwdriver in the back pocket nightmare, all those scenarios would constantly run through my head as I anxiously awaited the never early enough call to come pick up my baby.
So there I was, early Saturday morning, long list of errands in hand and no way to get 'em done. And as I pondered my choices, I began to realize just how grateful I am to have the option of repairing it myself. Having no idea what the problem even was, I still knew I could somehow fix it.
Not that I wanted to or that I was looking forward to it but at the same time it was comforting to know I had that option. And thanks to the many other lessons of the home variety that I've learned throughout the years, this greatfullness applies equally to things around the house as well.
I'm well equipped to be "Ray On The Spot" if and when the moment arises. And not everybody can say that. The mere mention of bad muffler bearings or a bent Johnson Rod strikes fear in many an auto owner. Thankfully though, not in me. I know I'm fully capable of not only diagnosing pretty much any problem but more often than not, repairing it as well.
Again, definitely not because I want to. The thrill of mechanic'n left the building quite some time ago. But the knowledge I've gained throughout the years is without a doubt reason to be grateful in situations such as this. Latex gloves? Check! Lots o' tools? Check!! Mechanical aptitude? PRICELESS!!!
