This is a bit of a conundrum for me. Mostly because back around 2008 & '09 I pretty much swore off ever taking a risk again. Of any type. Under any circumstances. Which, needless to say, totally goes against my 'grain' as it were.
I've pretty much been a risk taker my entire life. I've never subscribed to the "Live life by the book of boredom" series. Not me. And not so much in the sense of being a gambler per se. I never trusted my 'luck' or whatever you want to call it to pull me through. Especially when the chips were literally down. My so called luck pretty much sucks.
I've never bought a Lottery Ticket, never gambled in Lost Wages, never bet on the horses, none of that stuff. It just never appealed to me in any way. Just seemed like throwing money down the drain.
Risk taking for me was more along the lines of not living with the status quo, knowing there had to be more to life. I've never been one of those guys that had a desire to have the same job for 30 or 40 years, basically doin' time until your time was up and you could hopefully collect a retirement of some sort. And I say hopefully because we all know that in todays world, a pension or a retirement plan is anything but guaranteed after a long life sacrificing stint at ACME Boxbuilders Inc..
Nope, for some strange reason a month or so before you're about to retire, you're strangely laid off and the retirement of your dreams has morphed in to being a Walmart greeter.
And while that 'existing simply for a paycheck' method works for quite a few people, I never had the drive, nor the desire to live that kinda life. Much too boring for me. And the supposed monetary security was too high of a price to pay for being just another Cubicle Clone. At least for me anyway.
Sometimes I do wish I was a bit more of that type of person but at the end of the day I yam who I yam and who I yam ain't no robot. I'm a risk taker. Someone that appreciates the variety of varied endeavors, because you never know what might happen. You could very well win big.
There are no guarantees in the risk taking scenario, that's for certain. Well, except for the fact that your choices are your own, for better or worse, and you're guaranteed to have to live with your decisions one way or another.
As I mentioned earlier, back in '08 & '09 I pretty much swore off taking any type of a risk ever again. In anything. For those that don't know my history, long story short I pretty much risked it all and lost heavily when the Real Estate market crashed back in '08-'09. Yep, I'm one of them.
Some people refer to it as gambling but I looked at it more like I was taking a risk. And a semi calculated one at that. We all knew it was a manually manipulated 'bubble' of some sort. How could it not be. The way home values were snowballing by the second and reaching towering heights.
And working a minimum of two months at Krispy Kreme donuts assured you that you qualified for a 30 yr. adjustable loan and if a house didn't appraise high enough, just look to your left for two seconds and by the time you turned your head back around, poof, the numbers magically lined up just right. Yep, thems were magical times.
And even though I knew it had to end at some point, it was that known unknown of not knowing just exactly when the bubble would burst that allowed me to convince myself to give it a shot. To take the risk.
So I jumped in with both feet. I don't do anything half way. If I'm gonna do it, then I'm convinced it's the thing to do, I'm committed to it and so why not get the max out of it. And had things gone my way, I could have been sittin' pretty right now. But unfortunately the bubble burst while I was on duty and to say it wiped me out is a huge understatement. In fact I'm still feeling the unwanted ripples to this day.
None of us expected the entire market to crumble seemingly overnight but anything I would say now in that regard would merely be an excuse. At the end of the day I willingly took the risk, I paid (and continue to pay) heavily to play and things just didn't go my way. So be it.
And it was right around that time that I told myself never again. Never again would I take a risk. Of any kind. On anything. Nope, not me. Ain't goin' there. But that was then and this is now. While I'd like to think I've learned a huge lesson (which I have, oh boy have I ever) and seen the error of my ways, at the end of the day I'm still me.
I'm still not cut out to be Carl Cubicle, lifetime paycheck collector. Deep down inside I'm still a risk taker. Although I'm currently not in any position to take a risk of any kind, not even crossing the street without looking left the second (or third) time, that doesn't mean that at some point in the near future, when things are goin' right again that I won't be first in line to take full advantage of a well researched opportunity. That's just who I am. I'm a risk taker. And risky as it may seem, I'm grateful for that.
Day 22 ~ Hooked On Phonics
That's correct. Perhaps even better yet would be to say I'm grateful that as a young boy I was introduced to the "Hooked On Phonics" series. I'm not quite sure if it's even still in use (in one form or another) but apparently at the time it was the latest and greatest brain bending breakthrough of the century.
Not that I remember the exact date I started. Nor the content of the 'lessons' involved but I still remember how excited my Mom was that it seemed as if I was learning to read and write at a relatively rapid pace. Therefore it musta been working.
Hey, for all I know she could very well have been blowin' a bit of smoke my way. All in an effort to keep me excited about learning. Who knows. All I know is that apparently I learned how to read and write without too much of an issue.
Keep in mind that I'm a product of the Los Angeles Public School system so the quickness of my learning, as well as my capability level, is all relative. But having said that, I was also labeled early on as a 'gifted' child. I know, hard to believe isn't it. Unfortunately, back in the 'pre Ritalin' days, being considered gifted was another way of saying 'trouble'. Basically trouble for all the other kids in class.
Turns out I would end up finishing my work early and then immediately kick in to fidgety mode, unable to sit still with my eyes straight ahead. And as time ticked by, more and more kids in my immediate vicinity began to be disturbed by my bothersome actions. Ok, let's just say that I was a pain in the ass to all the kids sitting around me and my refusal to sit still began to have a severely negative effect on my nearby sphere of influence. My 'Circle of Distrust' as it were.
Yeah, I was gifted alright. Gifted with the gift of gab. And I wanted to share my gift with others around me. Is that so wrong? Apparently so. Unfortunately my teacher was pretty much getting fed up with my desire to spread my wealth of knowledge to others.
Looking back, I guess she had a right to be upset. I was pretty much a pain in the ass for everyone. Including myself. And in those days they didn't really have all the options they have today as far as dealing with so called 'gifted' children. Nowadays they tend to nurture that extrability, to help it grow. Whether it be with special classes or special curriculum, they want to bring out the best in todays kids as opposed to getting them to sit down and shut the hell up!
Oooops, sorry. Havin' a bit of a 1st Grade Flashback goin' on there. Anyway, as I was saying, in todays world, if they happen to detect a young overachiever in their midst, they are prepared to do what they can to make the most of that childs learning experience.
Back in those days though, they had a different approach. Rather than spur it on or nurture it, they'd do what they could to squash it that overachieverness right outta ya and get the kids back in line where they belonged. And in my 'test' case, their solution was to give me a shot at a new opportunity. An opportunity to fail.
Their new fangled approach was to have me 'skip' a Grade. Yes, I said SKIP A Grade! An entire Grade. Like, a whole entire school year worth or school. And at first glance, you might think that it would be taking an entire year off of school. And we all know how long a year is to a kid. It's like 14 Dog Years worth of time. Woo Hoo, could it get any better than an entire year off of school? Not back then it couldn't.
Growing up, I loved summer vacation. It was my favorite time of the year. So in my mini brain I was imagining a whole years worth of summer vacations, all crammed together.
Turns out Hooked On Phonics steered me wrong. That wasn't exactly what they had in mind. Nope, their so called 'great idea' was to have me skip ahead, not having to participate in that school year per se, but I was still gonna have to go to school. Dangit!
What is it they say again about the best laid plans? Who cares, doesn't apply to my situation anyway. After a few up close and personal parent teacher meetings, the decision was made. Not with any input by me of course. So half way through 2nd Grade, similar to Congress going on Christmas vacation during an election year, when I returned the next Monday I was under a completely new 'administration'. And me no likey.
Sure enough, when I came back to school, all my friends were gone. All my classmates were nowhere to be found. That's because when I returned to school, I was already half way through 3rd Grade! WTFlip just happened there! My world was turned completely upside down in an instant.
All my thinking that I was going to have to work less because I'd somehow be missing school didn't quite pan out as planned. Turns out the method to their madness was based on more of a "set you up for a guaranteed fail by shoving you forward to a new classroom full of older kids and curriculum you're anything but prepared for" kinda method.
In essence, they figured they could shut me up by shoving even harder work down my Pee Chee folder. Rather than nurture a child's abilities, for some unknown reason they figured it would be better to do everything possible to get the kid to fail and to give up on learning altogether. Sounds to me like the people that came up with this mental madness were more than likely products of the L.A. Public School System as well. But hey, that's just a guess on my part.
Anyway, from that point on things were different at school. Way different. But not nearly as different as they would be once I went from Elementary to what we called Jr. High (which I think is now Middle School). That's when I started to feel a bit of the Doogie Howzer factor kickin' in. In those days we all wanted to be older. Because older meant Drivers License and a car. That's what we lived for and for me, all of a sudden compared to everyone around me, I'd pretty much be waiting forever before I was old enough for my license.
With that being said, Jr. High was basically a three year delay in my life plan. And once I hit High School, multiply that "gotta get older" feeling by about a million. Yep, going in to 10th Grade there were kids that were already getting their Learners Permits and before you knew it, they were driving. That was mostly because of the way their birthdays lined up with the school semesters as well as when they actually started Kindergarten.
Yeah, there were also some kids that flunked 10th Grade the first time around but I'll bet they had no clue what Hooked On Phonics was. Poor kids. Anyway, once again, I was double screwed. With my birthday being 3/4 of the way into September, that meant I wouldn't be getting my Learners Permit until the summer before 12th Grade at the earliest, if not until after 12th Grade had already started. And wouldn't get my actual drive alone, drive at night, Drivers License until I was already way into 12th Grade. Yep, how sucky is that!
That's almost two years after the other kids, which is like two lifetimes behind. And when your Drivers License is everything, especially for a kid growing up in So. Cal., devastating is putting it mildly. Luckily for me though by that time I pretty much knew everything I needed to know about life, the world and how it worked.
Therefore, there was nothing left for me to learn. At least that's what I thought anyway. I ended up graduating High School at the ripe old age of sixteen, with my Drivers License safely in my wallet. And at that point, it was on! And I was off. The world was mine to conquer. Finally.
Like two flippin' years behind everyone else but finally, I was free. Free to be me. And luckily for me, thanks to Hooked On Phonics for which I'll be forever grateful, I was able to both read as well as sign my first speeding ticket with relative ease!
Day 23 ~ I'm An Open Book
Hmmmmm... how best to explain this other than to start by saying that's me in a nutshell. I'm without a doubt an open book. Ask me a question about myself, my thoughts, my feelings, anything along those lines and I'll gladly answer it. No guarantees that I'll answer in less than one thousand words, but no doubt you'll surely get a response. And it will be the truth, as I know it.
Yeah, I'm stupid like that. And yes, I've been told hundreds, if not thousands of times, that I shouldn't be so open and honest with people. That they will continue to use my words against me. Yet, how can I not be open if that's what I hope to receive from others.
Is that too much to ask? Open and honest communication. Shouldn't I be willing to be 'the real me' if that is what I feel they should be (and hope they will be) as well. If all I wanted was a fake version of them or their thoughts, why even bother asking the question(s) in the first place.
Heck, if I didn't really care what they had to say, then I could pretty much have the conversation with myself and skip their input altogether. Especially if that's all they were gonna do is fabricate stuff. Stuff they thought I wanted to hear. Or stuff that painted them in a better light than reality. Basically stuff that wasn't real. That wasn't truthful.
Life's too short for that kind of BS. If I'm going to take the time to get to know someone, then I want to know the good, the bad, and the in between. The highs and the lows. Their 'old' story as well as their 'yet to be written' story. Their hopes, dreams, aspirations, anything interesting along those lines. Just put it all in the mix.
If I didn't want to know anything and everything, then I wouldn't have asked in the first place. As you might have guessed I'm not one for meaningless, idle chit chat. Ain't got no time fo dat! And that's why I do my best to answer any and all questions as openly and as honestly as I possibly can. At least if I'm conversing with someone that I feel genuinely wants to know 'me'.
And heck yes, there's tons of stuff I don't enjoy sharing about myself. I'm sure that's the same with everyone. We all have struggles, battles, a past, anything along those lines that we wish weren't part of our 'story'. There's no getting away from that.
Not to say we have to continue to live in that long ago world. Matter of fact, who would even want to. After all, isn't that why we left that world behind. I'd like to believe that we all grow from our experiences and go on to better ourselves. As well as create better lives for ourselves through those experiences. Those episodes have helped to create who we are today.
That's why I believe that our past plays a role in who we are today and an important piece of our puzzle as it were. But again, we aren't (well, most of us aren't anyway) living back then. We're living in the here and now, with hopes for a better tomorrow.
And that's the kind of stuff I'm interested in. The future is full of possibilities for everyone. That's what makes life so exciting. That's why I'm willing to share pretty much anything and everything about myself because if I'm taking the time to converse with you, I want to know what your future holds for you as well. And if I have to hold back, if I can't be me right from the start, when can I be me.
The thought of having to try and remember what I've said and what I've chosen to hold back sounds exhausting at best. In fact, I consider it to be borderline lying. It sounds like some silly mind game and those aren't the kinds of games I enjoy playing. I don't play with peoples emotions and don't want mine played with either.
Yes, I've most definitely been hurt by putting my thoughts and feelings on the table, supposedly too soon. But there again, if you don't want to know me now, then it wouldn't have made any difference had I told you later as opposed to now. Why prolong the inevitable.
Besides, all that hidden info is just a juggling act from hell and without a doubt I'm not a circus performer. I'm grateful when I'm able to relax, open up, and have a fulfilling conversation with a like minded individual. It can not only be enlightening, but very refreshing as well.
Day 24 ~ Resilience
According to Websters, 'resilience' means; adapting to adversity. Basically the ability to roll with the punches. When stress, adversity or trauma strikes, you still experience anger, grief and pain, but you're able to keep functioning — both physically and psychologically.
In my case, these past two days have truly been a serious test of my resilience. It seems as if I've been rolling with the punches, ad nauseam. I've had Murphys Law hovering over my head with everything I've attempted. It's truly been one battle after another and what could go wrong has definitely gone wrong.
Even stuff that couldn't possibly go wrong, has gone wrong. And yet my resilience has afforded me the ability to keep on pluggin' away at it, knowing that eventually I will conquer and reach my goals. My perseverance will at some point pay off. Although I have no idea as to when that might occur because so far everything I attempt is taking four or five times longer than it should to reach completion.
Everywhere I turn it's been one tester after another. One frustratingly futile attempt after another. Two steps forward, eight steps back. Yet looking back on it, things that should have been finished on Wed. eventually were completed on Thursday. And things that should have easily been done on Thursday were accomplished earlier today.
So I'm indeed making some sort of progress, but there are many items that should have already been checked off the list by this point that aren't. And things that shouldn't have needed any attention at all reared their ugly heads in the midst of all this mayhem, causing not only further delays but mucho added frustration. And if you add in the overnight 20 degree drop in temperatures along with the 25mph winds and yes, naturally nearly everything on my 'To Do' list is outdoors related, then you can probably imagine just how much my resilience has been tested.
I willingly admit that my frustration level has definitely escalated along the way, but after a few deep breaths, I continued pushing forward. Sure, I could have given up on this stuff days ago but then where would that leave me. I'd be even more frustrated that I never made half the progress that I have.
So even though it's nowhere near the amount of progress that I had originally planned on, progress is still progress, regardless of how you choose to view it. And besides, I'm not cut out to be a quitter. It's just not me. So push on I must.
Oh wait, what's that sound I hear. Is that the pitter patter of Santas little Elves on my roof? Oh hell no, it's a torrential shingle shredding downpour to go along with the freezin' (ok, low 50's, close enough) temps and 25mph wind barrage.
Good thing I was smart enough to pack it in when I did and avoid the rainstorm. Perhaps I can chalk up my decision to just call it a day to resilience and knowing that tomorrow is another day.
Sure, the challenges will still be there when I wake up but you never know, a fresh outlook might do wonders for my level of progress. And better yet, the weather may be a bit better as well. For today, I'm grateful for my resilience, and for my ability to kick adversity's ass, one punch at a time.
Day 25 ~ Chivalry
Chivalry, in a nutshell; the system of values (such as loyalty and honor) that Knights in the Middle Ages were expected to follow; an honorable and polite way of behaving toward women. Yes, I'm grateful that Chivalry still exists, in one form or another, and that 'what's his face' hasn't signed another Executive Order in the middle of the night declaring it illegal.
Despite all the efforts by feminists world wide to remove this word from their dictionaries, I would like to think there are still a few women out there that not only appreciate, but aren't offended by, nor suspect of, a chivalrous man. I certainly hope so anyway.
While I do admit to being 'old school' when it comes to the relationship game, I'm happy to know that womens search for equality hasn't completely removed a mans ability to show their respect for a woman. In all situations, be they relationship oriented or otherwise. At least not in every womans eyes anyway.
Sure, there are some hard core women out there that refuse to accept, and are offended by, any well meaning, courteous gesture. Any behavior that makes them feel in any way "less than" or "weaker than" a man. In spite of it being far from the intention. Far from my intention anyway.
First off, I enjoy doing it. It gives me the feeling of showing appreciation towards a woman. The epitome of actions speaking louder than words. Secondly, it's just the right thing to do. In my mind anyway.
To be honest I'm not sure if chivalry is something I was taught, possibly learned from watching others or if it was just hardwired in to my brain when I was born. Whichever applies, I most definitely have felt this way as far back as I can recall.
And I'm not referring to the Knight In Shining Armor, Prince Charming version of chivalry as much as I am more so what I consider to be the 'modern' version of chivalry.
Which to me encompasses simple actions such as opening a car door, pulling out a chair during dinner at the Hôtel de Paris Monte-Carlo, offering your jacket while on a romantic nights walk along the beach in Bora Bora, you know, randomly typical stuff like that.
Have I mentioned I'm a bit of a romantic? And a hopeless (or in my case hopeful might be more appropriate) one at that. Yes, I still believe in insanely crazy stuff like finding true, long lasting love and living happily ever after. Ok, so I'm a bit of a dreamer as well but what's so wrong with that.
Aren't we all allowed to have a happily ever after? Or at least hope for one anyway. Last I checked, as of yet it wasn't against the law. So if we can still hope and dream of finding our one and only, why must we give up all of life's other simple pleasures. And if random acts of chivalry happen to fall under the simple pleasure category, then so be it.
I happen to believe that a woman that feels that a man doing nice things for her makes her appear weak and refuses to accept, nor 'put up with' any such actions, is truly missing out. There's a huge difference between merely being treated as an equal and being treated as an equal with respect and admiration.
And why a woman wouldn't choose the latter is beyond me. To each his or her own I guess. I will say that it's difficult to be with someone that takes offense by a persons well meaning actions. In any way, shape or form. It leaves both people in that all too uncomfortable 'unknown zone', wondering if this or that is ok'd behavior. Talk about walking on eggshells, no thanks.
It would be extremely difficult for me to squelch my chivalrous behavior. It's something I would much prefer to freely celebrate, as opposed to negate. Therefore, I would have to be with someone that was secure enough in who she is, as well as her own capabilities as an independent woman.
Perhaps that's why I'm drawn to intelligent, self driven, independently motivated women. Women more interested in finding a life partner as opposed to being someones dependent. They know who they are, what they want and aren't the least bit offended by a mans efforts to show them that they are indeed one of a kind and deserving of extra special treatment. In whatever form that may appear.
I guess it comes down to feeling secure in who we are as well as what our intentions are. And if ones intentions are genuine, then opening an as of yet unopened jar of Nutella for a lady shouldn't be cause for drama. Let alone cause for divorce.
At the end of the day I'm grateful for being chivalrous and for those women that not only accept it, but appreciate it as well.
